This web page is an assignment I'm working on during my time at Job Corps. I'll be spending the next days or weeks working on this to further my knowledge
of HTML and CSS. It took me some time to come up with an idea of what I wanted to do with it, but I eventually chose to do a blog, though I think of it as something more akin
to an online journal.
Disclaimer: For the purpose of this project, consider this a work of fiction.
It's been pretty hard just to start this. Honestly, the thought of writing this and putting it out on the internet is intimidating to me.
I've thought of making it about something impersonal, games, my hobbies, whatever, but I'm not the most knowledgeable about any of those things.
It would be easier to just write and let it be what it is.
I've been in JC for about six months now. Recently, I've been told that I have a separation date, a time when I should be able to complete my work
and finish the program. I was pretty excited about it, at first. I've been coming here 40 hours a week on top of working 30 to pay my bills.
So the idea of having that much time opened up in my schedule sounded great. I'd be able to work full time again, and start working on digging myself out of the debt that I've accumulated while
I've been here. Supplementing income lost with credit cards is not a good idea, but it was an unfortunate necesity of my situation. I can't afford college,
and this would be a good way to get some training and resources to get a better job. They'll help set me up with a job after leaving, and even help
me get college set up.
Now, JC has a part of the program called work-based learning, basically an internship, where you go and work somewhere in a field similar to the trade in
which you're in. With this, I should be able to find a paid position, which will greatly help. While this would increase my time here, it'll probably be for the best.
Ugh, this sounds incredibly boring. But that's what it's come down to. School. Work. Sleep. Repeat. It's both boring and tiring. Maybe I could make things a bit more interesting
with a bit of writing. I do enjoy writing. It's a good out. It allows me to express myself.
I stopped listening when the lighter flared in my hand, igniting the tip of the home-rolled cigar. I dragged slow and deep on it, a trail of fragrant smoke twisting its way toward the ceiling. I held the smoke in for a few extra moments, marveling to myself the instant wave of relaxation that flowed through my limbs. I closed my eyes, and leaning my head back, blew out the smoke. The music coming through the small speaker beside me faded into a soft humming in the background of my senses. I took another drag, blowing smoke rings upward to meet the growing cloud overhead. A moment of peacefulness. Whether if was smoking itself, of just the act, that act of childish defiance, if was calming. Ny body thrummed with it. My mind, left to its own devices, drifted on through an array of strange thoughts. Strange? Maybe. Strange for me? Not really. Just another step in the ritual , this cleansing of mind and of heart. It was temporary, true, a moment stolen from the day, gut this miment was mine..
The past few days have been emotionally draining. Hope is hard to come by, yet I stiil keep moving forward. I knew this would happen. I didn't want to say. You kept asking. Everything has just spiraled out of control. I can't focus. Typing this is difficult enough, you want me to make such a decision as this. No. I can't do this. I can't do what you've asked of me, I'm sorry. My heart hurts enough already, I can't add on it this that you want me to do.
I'm going to try to keep my composure. I've kept this strength up this long, just a bit longer. Soon. Soon. Soon. Just hold on a little longer. Please.
Things are looking a bit better. I do hate whining about such things, though having some kind of outlet is important. It helps having a way to let things out, wvwn if it is just as a nameless, faceless voice on the internet. Honestly, that makes it a bit easier. It's the security of anonymity. I can speak unseen, and the reprecussions of it are minimal. I'll probably me working on adding a bit of CSS to the site. I've gotten HTML down pretty well so far; I don't think I really need too much work on it.